In the beginning...

What is a blog? 
It's an imaginary place where you write shit.
Some people use it to make money. Some people use it to soapbox 'cause everyone in their REAL life is fucking tired of listening to their shit.
Some people have no one in their REAL life that they can say everything to.
Some think the crap they think is REALLY important and that you might give a shit about their self important, over indulgent ramblings.
Some are pathetic losers who insist on complaining at all times rather than actually FIXING shit.
And some people write blogs because they actually have funny, informative and/ or insightful things to say.


Me?




I'm all of those things. Except the money part... I do that well enough with other pursuits.


Yep, I admit to all of the above and I'm ok with it.
The good news? If you don't want to read my tumultuous, foul-mouthed spewing on life, cooking, booze, fucking, motherhood, marriage and whatever the fuck else I feel like talking about, you are only one small click away from sending this page to oblivion. Gotta love the Interweb.


So, who am I?
I am, fortunately, one of those rare people who knows. I know who I am. I'm not always pretty, nor good, nor nice but I'm always me.
And NO ONE can make mistakes like me, buddy, no one.


I am a Sommelier. That's supposed to mean I'm an expert about wine and shit. Yeah, I have a bunch of those fancy certificates. But that's not what makes me an expert nor well versed in wine. It's my love of it. From ground to glass. I understand and revel in the details of variety, terroir and viticulture. I am excited by the minutiae of wine making. I am obsessed with the journey of aging. I drink a ton of it and travel to the best places where it is made to play in the dirt and the barrels. I also am probably a total alcoholic but I function well and don't drive fucked up.


I am a chef. Actually, probably better be called a "cook," I don't have any formal training but I can tear a kitchen a new one. I get paid good money to do Underground Dinners about once a month as well as other catering gigs. I love cooking like I love wine. In an organic, all consuming way. To me cooking and wine aren't that different from sex except they often last longer and have less annoying side effects.


I am a mother. (Side effect of sex) I didn't plan to be a mother, in fact for many years and through many partners (and I mean many) I successfully and purposefully remained unpregnant. Which is good because especially since I was married twice before and that would have been awkward. 
This husband and I had decided not to have children either but then a good (couple) bottle(s) of Chardonnay and a desire to not ruin the moment running across the hall for a condom, and BAM! knocked up. Yes folks, it really DOES only take once.


Well, I had a decision to make. I mean, my husband and I had had 2 really fucked up years of separation due mostly to he being an insecure, passive aggressive prick. Did I really want to have a kid with this man. Did I really want to have a kid at all?
I am an ABSOLUTE total 100% full on supporter of abortion. Hardcore. I truly believe it is WAY more humane to terminate a pregnancy (kill a fetus, baby whatever you want to call it) than it is to bring them into a life unwanted and kicked around. Hell, in some situations I think it would have been more merciful to euthanize many babies instead of allowing them to live.  Yeah, yeah, this could be one of those times where you exercise the almighty Click.
Anyway, so abortion wasn't out of the question but if you are a real human, who really understands the value of life, you would give a decision like that a LOT of thought. 
Basically, I couldn't think of any dire reasons to have an abortion. The husband and I talked it over, discussed the options and the circumstances and decided to go ahead.
More on this later.


Either way, I am a mother.


So, these pages will be filled with observations about life, all of it, from my perspective.
Fair warning, I hate religion, especially christianity. I hate politics. I hate homogenized corporate crap (especially food.) And I think the use of profanity is a high art form to be practiced often and with massive concentration.


I am also often a fucking hypocrite....enjoy.